I Didn't Like You Either, Anyways.

Hey Readers!

Much has changed since our last post. Melissa's Australian boyfriend moved to NYC. While things are going well, Melissa is a little disturbed by the fact she usually eats more than he does…and usually finishes off his plate. In her defense, there is never an excuse for wasting even a bite of Broccoli-Cheese-Ritz Cracker Casserole. While Melissa has gained over 12 pounds, she maintains that “dainty is a state of mind.” And, in shocking news, Jordan is still single!

Here's the thing. Being single in Wisconsin is completely different than being single in New York City. Mainly because, being single in NY is awful. No longer can you impress the local bachelors by drinking your weight in Miller Genuine Draft, being the biggest football fan in the bar or with your ability to eat cheese with no regard for the fat content or how it will probably give you adult acne.

No, NYC is the land of yuppies with seersucker shorts and Lacoste polos, top shelf cocktails and hoards of skinny bitches who won't even blink at not eating solid food for 2 days during beach season.  These 2 worlds definitely don't compliment each other...and yet here we are. 2 gals shot straight from the Dairyland to the Big Apple.

Side note: We do find these state nicknames interesting and not at all coincidental. Wisconsin is the Dairy State and New York is the Big Apple. You do the math. And let’s be honest; we'd take a bite out of a cheese wheel over an apple any day.

One thing we have noticed, is that whenever we go back to Wisconsin, it's blaringly obvious that attractiveness is all relative. In New York, we'd place ourselves at about a 6. In Wisconsin, we're as high as an 8.5. Mathematically speaking, that makes us 15% hotter in Wisco. I think it's important to note, we've said this for years. And now Betty White and that harlot Valerie Bertinelli are on a show about it. I’m not saying we thought of it first and TV Land stole our idea….but someone owes us a piece of that pie. “Hotter in Cleveland,” my ass. Although I've been to Cleveland...anyone with a full set of teeth and not wearing a NASCAR jacket is relatively hotter in that town.

Which leads us to a list we’ve compiled (and will be adding to). It’s called:

Reasons I'll always be single in NYC

1. No one will hit on you while you're wearing an Aaron Rogers jersey and screaming "on your bike, kid!!!" through a mouthful of nachos. (Correction: the only guy that will hit on you is 54 and has liver spots on his face. On the plus side, talking to said gentleman got us 2 free cans of PBR and a song request for "Walking on Broken Glass" by Annie Lennox).

2. I don't want to see your headshot. Ever. 

           2a. Your blossoming R&B career isn’t going to pan out, either.

3. Because cooking a casserole is not an impressive, date-worthy home cooked meal. Apparently heart disease is never on the menu.

4. Shot-gunning a beer does not scream “take me home, I’m a sex kitten.”

5. Because a flannel nightie never gave anyone a hard-on.