Meeting Your Idol Never Goes As Planned.

Hey Readers...(all 2 of you. Shout out to our 1 follower & my father!)

I was just catching up on this weeks' episode of "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List,"and I remembered I never posted about the time I got to meet her!

Little bit o' back-story: I'm a big fan of Kathy Griffin's (yes, I will only refer to her by her first-and-last name. It's what you do with famous people) and love, love, love her show. Not only is she a fellow Ginger, (which automatically makes her more awesome than other non-Ginger comics), but I like her story-telling style of comedy and her sarcasm and self-deprecating humor.

So, on to the point. This was in February, when she was in NYC doing a few shows and stopped by a Barnes & Noble to do a book signing. The good fan that I am, I bought her book when it came out, read it immediately and pretended to be inspired to work harder at stand-up comedy for about a week. So when I heard she was doing a signing, I had to go meet her.

Problem was, it started at 12:30pm, but I had to work at the ice skating rink (I was coaching kid's hockey at the time) and didn't have a break until 1:30pm & had to be back by 3pm. I called the store and they had no clue how long she was staying. The lovely gentleman on the phone said - and I quote - "it could be another couple hours, or another 5 minutes." Game on, friendly gay Barnes & Noble employee.

Reminder to set the scene: this was February and it snowed a lot this winter. I'm in my work snowpants and big old winter jacket that says "COACH" on the back. This was NOT my ideal "Meet Kathy Griffin, Make Her Want to be My Mentor/Adoptive Mother Outfit." And yet, there was no time for a costume change, so "Snow-Mobile Barbie" I would have to be.

As soon as I'm done with my lesson, I throw my snow boots on and start heading downtown. I decided it would be faster to walk the 15 blocks then wait for a subway train that would only take me part-way. A few blocks into the commute, I realized I forgot my phone in my locker...so I have no idea what time it is and start to panic because walking was an awful choice. 15 crowded blocks, dodging tourists, when you're in a hurry seems to take forever. So I start running down 5th avenue...in snow pants and snow boots. Sketcher's "Shape-ups" my ass...you run 15 city blocks in 5lb snow boots and then we can talk about a leg workout. I was actually a little sore the next morning.

So I make it to Barnes & Noble and there's a line all the way through the store and ends up outside. The man at the end is like 57 years-old and looks like a financial guy...my first thought was, "Oh fuck, I'm at the wrong Barnes & Noble...is Rush Limbaugh at this one today?" But I asked him what he was waiting for and sure enough, he was there for Kathy. He said he was getting an autograph for his "wife." Still thinking maybe he was gay. I can't be sure.

I waited in line for like 45 minutes and was able to get my book signed (but since I forgot my phone, I didn't get a picture...sad face). I wanted to get her talking, because it was a very "Hi, sign my book, okay bye" kind of thing. So I told her she was the reason I got into stand-up comedy (not exactly true). She lit up (I knew it would work) and we chatted about comedy for a second. Now, even though this was my plan, I did not have the foresight to actually come up with some other points-of-conversation. I went to the first thing I could think of: we both have red hair. I then told her I got compared to her because I have red hair (a little true), but I'm pretty sure the way I phrased it was "Yeah, I really love doing stand up. And I get compared to you all the time (eye roll)...I guess it's because I'm super funny and have red hair." In retrospect, that probably sounded a little...okay really douchey, but she didn't seem to take offense. At least she didn't roll her eyes back at me.

Feeling like our conversation was sparkling, I decided to continue...i.e. push my luck. I asked her if she needed a warm-up comedian - and I did this thing I tend to do, where I tap the tip of my nose a couple times with my finger as I'm saying something - and she asked me if I was on coke. As in cocaine. Awesome. Couldn't ask for a more perfect meeting with my idol. I'm a douche bag that's on coke. Couldn't wait to tell mom about that one. Needless to say, I did not get that gig.