A Little Bit About Us.

Welcome to “Corn-Fed in the Big Apple.” This blog will be run by Jordan & Melissa, 2 hilarious girls hailing from the good ole Midwest. Before we start posting, we think it’s imperative you get to know us a little bit.

Melissa: A Green Bay gal, with a hearty laugh and a hunger for life. While this may sound like an ad for “largefriends.com” don’t read too much into it. You see, Midwestern women appreciate a good meal shared with family and friends, which actually means cooking BRAHHTS over da grill before the Pack plays, with your friend’s mom serving cheese curds in her wolf sweatshirt. I never really felt like I was too different from a lot of other girls…I prefer high heels over flats, enjoy wine and great book, cry at Steel Magnolias, watch LOST for the many profound, thought-provoking questions about life, yet drool over Jack and Sawyer. But I started to realize, things are a little different here in the Big Apple.

Jordan: I grew up in Shorewood, WI, just a stiff breeze away from Milwaukee. That breeze often carried the smell of barley and yeast, which I believe is the root of my alcoholism (much more on that later). While Shorewood was, by no means, a farm town, I am no stranger to deer hunting & school field trips where I learned the important art of making buttermilk and cheddar cheese. I’m the youngest in my family, which is how I explain my constant need to make jokes, be sarcastic & generally be the center of attention. Never mind that I am the youngest of 2. I think most psychologists would agree it’s all the same. I moved to NY a week after graduating from MU (where I met Melissa, but we didn’t actually become friends until we both made it to the city).

It was only after spending many-a-night getting shit-faced in a local watering hole we will henceforth refer to as “Sister Jenny’s,” we discovered something. We don’t belong here. And here is why: there are a few rules that we believe all Midwesterners learn:

1. When food is put in front of you, you eat. All. Only clean-plate members get to eat custard for dessert.
2. Practical footwear is a must. I don’t care if you’re going on a first date with someone hotter than you. No matter that your snow boots weigh 10lbs each and make you look like a lumberjack. If it’s snowing, the boots go on, no questions asked.
3. Drinking beer is always a good idea. Coming from Milwaukee, it stimulates the economy.
1. Beer and eggs compliment each other nicely.
4. Having a big ass and saddlebags is par for the course. You can’t possibly do manual labor as a size 2. Plus, with all that beer & fried food, it’s just physically impossible. No judgments.

The more time we spend here, the longer this mis-matched set of ideals seems to grow. So, in this blog, we'll not only add to this list, but regale you with our tales of woe, dating misfortunes, and the many ways 2 corn-fed girls don't really fit in the Big Apple.

We hope you enjoy laughing at our misadventures as we do. Please comment & let us know what you think!